Somali Cruise package available

A cruise off the shore of Somalia?

My friend Billy Jack sent me an invitation to organize a cruise with him.  Ya’ll remember BJ, he’s the one who got  banned from Wal-Mart a while back for some semi-strange behavior.

He’s got a great sense of humor and a wonderful sense of adventure.  He recently returned from a vacation and he might have come up with this idea while idling his time away.  I’m not sure he is under the direct supervision of his wife.

Texans are probably the only folks who will get really excited about this cruise.  Everyone knows the state is full of  gun crazy zealots who are just looking for a chance to improve their marksmanship.  Well, Ole BJ might have hit on a great solution to this ongoing international crisis and provided a bunch of  Real Texans with some amusing entertainment and target practice.

This Texas style cruise could really be a boost to the image of our great state.

I can already imagine how grateful and thankful the major TV networks and current politicians are going to be. Let me know if you are ready to join us, time’s a wastin’.  These Texas-only cruises will clean out the pirate problem along the coast.  We will be sailing under the Texas flag.

Here are some of the costs associated with the package:

• $800.00 per day per person, double occupancy.  Single supplements also available.
• M-16 (fully automatic): $25.00/day with ammo at 100 rounds.
• AK-47: No charge.  100 rounds of ammo for $14.95
• Barrett M-107 .50 cal. sniper rifle: $55.00/day.  Ammo at 25 rounds for  $19.95
• Crew  members will double as spotters for $30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).
• RPG’s at $75 each and $200 for 3 standard loads.
• Mounted mini-gun available @ $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained  fire.
• Free complimentary night vision equipment.
• Barbecue and Lone Star are free and every Texan knows that always  improves your night vision and marksmanship.   Fresh coffee and other snacks on the top deck from 7 p.m. ’till 6 a.m.
• Group rates and corporate discounts offered with a money back guarantee if not fully satisfied.

Here’s a sample of our proposed guarantee:

1. We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund one half your money, including gun rental charges and any unused ammo.
2. Can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking?   We  cruise at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of  Somalia .  If an attempted hijacking does not occur during the regularly scheduled cruise, we will turn the boat around and cruise the coast at 4 knots.
3. Reserve your package before May 29th and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice.”

Here are a few testimonials:

“FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!” —- Stinky Friedman-Houston

“I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I’ll never hunt big game in Africa again.” —-  Bubba Hemmingway-San Antone

“Six attacks in 4 days were more than I expected.  I bagged three pirates and my 12 year old son sank two rowboats with the minigun.  Well worth the trip.  Just make sure your spotter speaks English.” —- Rambo Murphy – San Angelo

“Like ducks in a barrel. We blew a pirate ship out of the water and saw several pirates screaming in the water like little girls. This is a must do.” —- Biggie Johnson – Big Lake

Let me know

David Werst,

Real Texas Cruiser

BTW – You can book a great cruise from Texas with Texas Cruise Company but probably not to Somalia.

Tagged as: barbecue, carnival cruise ships carnival lines, cruise ships, cruising, david werst, gun laws, guns, somali pirates, texas cooking, Texas Cruise Company. cruise from Texas. cruise from galveston, texas entertainment, Texas Humor