Real Texas Politicians

by david on April 22, 2016

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What’s the fuss about?

Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to be in politics anymore.  At least not like it used to.

Texas Ag boss Sid Miller tried to make it pay, but only just a little.  He billed his trip to an Oklahoma doctor to the

Commissioner Sid Miller

Commissioner Sid Miller

taxpayers of Texas.  He went to the wretched O-place to get a “Jesus Shot” which supposedly ends all pain forever.

After a Houston newspaper called him out, he had to repay the state for the expenses. Those damn newspaper reporters.  Nosy bastids.

The fuss is being raised by the media and probably some Austin folks about our Texas Agriculture Commissioner, Sid Miller.  Mr. Miller somehow got hisself elected to a statewide office of some importance and now he is raising hackles all across the state for a few little mis-understandings.  Very minor….but Sid has been piling up a few of those financial indiscretions now.

It seems he went to That O-place.  You know….that damn hellhole north of the paradise of Texas.  Well, that is probably a sin in itself.  but I digress.  He went there to get a ‘Jesus Shot’.  This Jesus shot is supposed to cure what ails you forever.  As in ‘for all time’.  The latest shot was Sid’s second such shot.  The first one did not last forever.

I’ll bet a nickel that Sid is a good guy to go have a beer or two with.  He sounds like any West Texas resident I ever knew who makes his living as a calf roper.    On his Facebook page Sid advocated detonating a nuclear bomb on the muslim population to clear up all those problems in the middle east.  Yep, that would do it.  I’m telling you he would fit right in with my West Texas friends.

Let me explain a little more.   And cross my heart, I’m not making this up.

The Jesus shot is a $300 shot that an Oklahoma so-called doctor claims will erase all pain forever.  The one time injection is given by one doctor only.  That being one doctor in the entire United States.  He was reached by a reporter-dang bastids-and the doc told the reporter that he don’t talk to reporters and hung up.  However, another reporter-dang bastid-dug a little more and found a clinic where he used to work.  The clinic owner told the reporter the ingredients in the Jesus Shot were a mixture of an anti-inflammatory and vitamin B-12.  The Doctor is Dr. John Michael Lonegran of Edmond, OK.  He is also known as Dr. Mike.

Now according to news reports, Dr. Mike is an O-place native.  (It hurts my fingers to actually type the entire O-place word.)  Dr. Mike practiced medicine in Ohio where he was sentenced to two years in prison on eight felony counts in 2004 for healthcare fraud, tax evasion, and mail fraud.  Ohioans, being the fussy folks that they are, revoked his medical license.  So….Dr, Mike moved to the O-place (Oklahoma) where they are apparently not so fussy about details such as healthcare fraud.  Dr. Mike apparently spent two years in the federal slammer for defrauding medicare and medicaid.  His defense was that he had bi-polar disorder.

Now I have a certain admiration for the folks from the O-place and their political views.    I just don’t like their football teams.  They beat the Texas teams too often these days.  I consider that hateful and maybe even criminal.

But back to Poor Sid Miller, the current Commissioner of Texas Agriculture.  He visited Dr. Mike and billed the state $1,120 for his travel expenses saying he had visited with someone in the O-place about important agriculture issues.  Now I don’t know about you, but out in Real Texas where I come from, the phrase “important agriculture issues” is a code word for shooting the  bullshit with your buddies.

It was some of those dang reporters-the bastids- who caught poor ailing Mr. Miller and called his hand on billing the travel part of the trip to you and me, taxpayers of Texas.

Having spent my entire life in the company of reporters and journalists, I can assure Mr. Miller that he should very carefully document every single thing he does for the remainder of his short term in office.   Instead of going to a roping and getting Jesus shots, he might just try to expand markets for Texas Ag producers.  Miller is probably a helluva guy to have a few beers with, but his career as Ag Commissioner will be a short one if those ‘bastid’ reporters have anything to do with it.

But there might be a bigger issue here…….

Texas Doctors should have the Jesus shot.

Just like Sid, I  have been longing for a cure for several maladies that ail me.

I could use a Jesus shot or two.  And most of my friends of a certain age could also use such a shot. Now they rely on antiquated remedies such as Jack Daniels or Vodka made by that young man in Austin.

Right now, for instance, my neck pains me considerably. I’ve been to several doctors here in the San Antonio area who have given me treatment.  I think they have made it worse.

I keep asking folks “what is the big fuss about?”

That ex-con doctor Sid went to in the O-place, and charged the trip to the people of Texas, was not the first to offer cures for what ails you.

As a youngster, I used to go to sleep at night listening to my transistor radio and Wolfman Jack. The Wolfman was working in Del Rio at the time.  When we West Texans say Del Rio, we might also mean Cuidad Acuna across the border.  Wolfman Jack worked at XERF-AM and their 250,000 watt signal could be picked up all across North America and at

Wolfman Jack

Wolfman Jack

night probably in the Soviet Union.  Since I lived only two and a half hours from the border,  my reception was fine.  It was so strong, the Wolfman said, birds would drop dead if they flew too close to the tower.  Wolfman Jack would urge listeners to “lay their hands on the radio and squeeze his knobs.”

The Wolfman and his radio station sold all kinds of items including prayer shawls, special waters blessed by various Pentecostal preachers, weight loss pills, weight gain pills, and goat gland pills to old men.  Those pills were guaranteed to “put some zing in your thing.”  I listened to Wolfman Jack during my younger years and wondered why old men wanted those goat gland pills.

It was either listen to Wolfman Jack on that Mexican Station, KOMA, or our local station KBLT.  I liked them all for various reasons.  Time marched on and so did I, leaving for greener pastures in 1967.  I moved to San Marcos and discovered Sammy Allred and Bob Cole on KVET in Austin.  In 1971, the Mexican Government decided that the primarily Catholic citizens were hearing too much proselytizing from the Pentecostal preachers and banned them from the airways.  That was bad for business as the station kept half the money raised by the radio pitchmen from the sale of the shawls and goat gland pills.  The Wolfman moved on to fame and fortune in California.  You youngsters might remember him as the DJ in the movie “American Graffitti”.

It’s called a precedent…..

As you can easily see, there is a precedent for Sid traveling to Oklahoma for his shot.  I’m explaining all this because there has to be some enterprising ex-con doctor right here in Texas who could offer us  a “Jesus Shot” which would eradicate all our pains forever as well as give us some zing….

As you can see from my explanation of the past pitchmen of cures and the redemptive features of various prayer shawls sold from Mexican radio stations that some doctors and Pentecostal preachers could make a fortune for themselves right here in Texas.

After all, there is always some fool ready to part with his money and the money of taxpayers in search of what a ‘Jesus shot’ might offer.  There is a precedent of that sort of thing.  Just ask Wolfman Jack.  And I swear when I was growing up a lot of the older men actually sounded like billy goats for some reason.

Texas has had some real doozies for politicians in the past, but Sid might be right up there with the best of them.  I’m not a medical expert, but traveling to Oklahoma and getting an injection of something, and then trying to pass the visit off as an agriculture meeting and bill us taxpayers really takes the cupcake.

Nice try Sid.  I do hope your are feeling better.

The Texas Rangers are investigating the “Agriculture meeting,” and I don’t mean the baseball team.

Oh Texas, I do love it so…..

I’m David out in Real Texas

Looking for that zing……


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