Hot in Texas
How hot is it in Texas,
A lady asked this morn?
Well, I answered politely, it’s so hot,
It’s popping the deer feeder corn!
It’s so hot, I’ve fried green tomatoes on the vine,
It’s some of the hottest temperatures I’ve seen.
My perspiration smells like bacon fat,
And I saw a funeral procession stopped at a Dairy Queen.
My asphalt shingles melted and ran in my gutters,
And I thought I’d stepped in some chewing gum,
But it was only the sidewalk melting,
It’s so hot I eat jalapenos to cool my tongue.
Now we get hot water from both faucets,
And I’d forgotten that asphalt has a liquid state.
There’s not much I can do about it,
So for winter to come, I’ll just have to endure and wait!
M. T. Whallete © 2009
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
IT’S SO HOT HERE:
•the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
•the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
•farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
•the cows are giving evaporated milk.
•the trees are fighting over the dogs.
•you can make instant sun tea.
•you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
•the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
•you’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
•you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
A sad Texan once prayed, “I wish it would rain – not so much for me, cuz I’ve seen it — but for my 7-year-old.”
It’s so hot here that the squirrel are fanning their nuts.