Real Hot in Real Texas

It’s been 17 consecutive days here with the heat in triple digits.

I heard a big guy with a big fat belly remark that he was “Sweating like a virgin at a prison rodeo.” I just had to laugh.

So are we all commenting on how hot it is? Not really, it’s just normal at this time of year out here in Real Texas. And it’s a normal that goes way back before Al Gore came up with all the inconvenient the global warming information.

For instance, way back in 1969 there were 60 days of recorded triple digit heat in the geographic part of the Great State I refer to often as Real Texas.

And from 1969 up to the present year there have been an average of 19 days of 100+ degree weather here every year. Some years more than the average, some years less. This year there have been 29 days of 100 degree heat or more.

But we do like our Texas sayin’s about how hot it is. Or sometimes we comment on how dry it is out here. Here are a few of my favorites.

Hot as a two-dollar whore on the 4th of July
Sweating like a virgin at a prison rodeo
Dry as a powder house
Dry as the heart of a haystack
So dry my duck don’t know how to swim
It’s so hot the hens are layin’ hard-boiled eggs.
It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch
It’s hotter than a stolen tamale.
Hotter than a two dollar pistol (on Saturday night)
It’s so hot, the chickens have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground

Now depending on what part of the Great State you live in, 100 degrees can be tolerable or intolerable. As a young man I worked on a pipeline crew every day-all summer out in the 100+ degree heat and really had no problems. Later, I worked outside a day or two in Houston and nearly sweated to death. And since I live in the paradise of Sherwood Ranch and the Spring Creek is literally right in my backyard, I do believe it is as humid here as it is in Austin.

There are a few of my favorites. Of course, some Real Texans are philosophers on rare occasions.

Here’s a prime example: “Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day”.

Sometimes you just have to think about a statement like that to get down to the true meaning. Hmmmmn.

It’s perty hot again today, so I’ll just end it with that and not try to stir anything up.

Have you got any “hot in Texas sayings” to add to the list?

I’m David out in hot Real Texas

Where being hot is normal

Tagged as: david werst, Real Texas Blog, Texas heat wave, Texas Humor

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

So It Goes In Texas August 16, 2010 at 3:40 pm

A slight variation on yours, growing up I heard “Hotter than a two dollar pistol in an all-night shootout.” Also, heard “Hotter than hell’s hinges” and “Hotter than Hades.”

Love your blog!