Kinky and me

Kinky Friedman: A Real Texan

Most Real Texans of any experience……actually I mean those with at least a little age on them, will know when I mention Kinky, I’m not talking about aberrant behavior.  Well, not in the way some of you are thinking…..

I’m simply talking about the one and only Richard “Kinky” Friedman.  I ran across Kinky

on a bright Saturday afternoon a couple of weeks ago at the annual Book & Arts Fest held in Boerne.  There were 48 real, hardworking authors in attendance along with Kinky.  He also works hard, is a real author, and songwriter, and has made a name for himself nationwide.  He also has led a life of aberrant behavior although that is not how he came by the name of Kinky.  Seems like a friend of his, Chinga Chavin, noticed he had kinky hair and the nickname stuck.  Kinky and Chinga co-wrote that classic country song, Asshole from El Paso (to be sung to the tune of Okie From Muskogie).  “I’m proud to be an ……” well, you can finish the rest of the song.  That, by the way, is the kind of aberrant behavior or irregularities I’m talking about.  He is just an irreverent soul and does not really care what you think about him.  Not everyone who acts like this is my kind of guy, but Kinky is….sorta…..my kind of guy. A little different, irreverent, non-conforming, cheeky, sassy, resistant.  All of that describes him and others I like in the best sort of way.  Kinky fits the description.

Boerne is only about a 15 minute drive east down highway 46 from mi casa and we go to Boerne so often, we might as well just move closer to save on the gas bill.  Most of the time Ramona just wants to load the dogs up and go to Mary’s Tacos for a breakfast burrito (my terminology). She shares her burrito with the dogs….I don’t share, even when faced with extreme shaming tactics and stares. The dogs are very well fed and are simply beggars.

By way of more information on my terminology:  I have yet to succumb or submit to some people’s claim that a breakfast burrito is a taco.  You and I both know what a taco looks like.  Just think of Taco Bell and how they put lettuce, tomatoes, and cheese in a taco shell and you get the idea…a taco is a taco.

I will have to say that Mary’s Tacos/burritos are almost as good as those made by Pearl Ramirez at her little one room burrito place she ran from her back yard in West Texas.  On the other hand, you just don’t get very many bad tacos in South Texas, either.  I do freely admit that Mary’s makes a very elevated Burrito/taco.  Ramona loves to watch the team at Mary’s all working together like a symphony, each section adding to the perfect taco.

It’s easy to see why the organizers of the Boerne Book & Arts Fest invited Kinky.  He is a genuine Texas character living in a state plumb full of characters.    He lives fairly close to Boerne over in Kerrville, about a 30 minute drive.  If you are driving to his little rancho stay on highway 16 throught Bandera past the Sonic and Bandera Electric and he is down the road a ways on your left.  It’s also close to the home of Utopia Animal Refuge where they, and Kinky, have saved over 1,000 older and abandoned dogs from euthanasia. He must have a good heart even if that heart is totally warped. I believe he will get to Heaven even if he is Jewish for his kindness to animals and the downtrodden in life. However, he told someone he might not want to go there if he can’t smoke cigars. He is kinda like Tanya Tucker who does not want to go to Heaven if they don’t let cowboys in…

He also has written a number of books and songs including:

• They Ain’t making Jews like Jesus anymore
• What Would Kinky Do?
• Asshole from El Paso
• The Mile High Club
• Kill Two Birds and Get Stoned
• Roadkill
• The Love Song of J. Edgar Hoover
• God Bless John Wayne
• Guide To Texas Etiquette
• Elvis, Jesus, and Coca Cola
• And a mystery book…A Case of Lone Star

Kinky Friedman has a different sense of humor and God help me, I do love it so.  Those books and songs prove beyond a doubt he is irreverent.  Meaning he shows a lack of respect for some people or things, or some ideas that are generally taken seriously by others.  Like religion.  Or politics.

I was running late and I walked the sidewalk toward Main where Kinky was already putting on a show for the people gathered outside at the Main Plaza and Gazebo. It’s a perfect gathering place and the folks in that German town have a lively and well-attended market place there nearly every month.  I parked at the end of the long block back by Peggy’s restaurant.  We often park there and eat our Burritos/tacos.  As I approached, I saw there was a smallish crowd listening as Kinky was strumming on his guitar singing a song I’m sure he wrote.  In the past, he and his band, Kinky Friedman and The Texas Jewboys, performed across the state and beyond.  They might have filled up that park area to the brim with plenty of attendees back in the day, but not this day.

As I walked to the gazebo area the only song I actually remember Kinky’s band singing was a John Prine/Kris Kristofferson  song about Jesus.  One of the lyrics was as follows:  “Jesus was a Capricorn, he ate organic food.”   Things are a little blurry from that time in my younger life when I must have heard that song. Don’t know why that has stuck with me all these years.  Must be because I am also a Capricorn.  I must be a lapsed Capricorn.  I still read the actual printed newspaper every day, but don’t remember the last time I read the horoscopes. I’m also just as sure that during those days way back when, me and Kinky and a few others often tried to disqualify ourselves from ever serving on the U.S. Supreme Court as measured by democrat standards.

There were a few folding chairs under a pop-up canopy in front of the gazebo and not all of the seats were filled.  I settled into one with a line of sight so as to watch Kinky perform and possibly get a photo.  There he was with his cigar in hand strumming his guitar entertaining the sparse crowd. It was about 3:30 in the afternoon and I put the collar of my shirt up over my neck to protect it from the sun, which was bright on that October afternoon.  No sense in getting my neck any redder than it already is, was my thought.

As Kinky strummed his guitar, I was reminded that he can’t really sing at all.  But, neither could Ernest Tubb and ole Ernest is one of my all time favorites.  I never held not being a great singer against Kinky.  Or Ernest Tubb or Willie for that matter.  Instead, I listen to lyrics a lot of the time.  I truly believe a lot of the artiste’s are talented poets.  Maybe Kinky fits into that category.

Kinky wore his signature black hat and black longish coat.  As I listened to him sing and watched him, I could not help but notice his coat as it hung on the shoulders of an older man.  The voice was almost the same as I had heard on TV and on the radio. Strong, funny, and he is still full of it.  It, as It is known in the best kind of way.

Hmmmn. I mused. Kinky might not the draw he once was, if he ever was.  At least not in these parts.  Maybe he was more popular back east, or in Austin.  But still, I wanted a chance to meet him and contribute to his cigar fund by purchasing a book or a CD from him.  Plus, I wanted to see if he was still as full of b.s as he ever was. Maybe the old Germans of Boerne are too conservative to listen to a worn out liberal like Kinky.  I debated with myself to show him the text I had just received from my U.S. Air Force Veteran wife that Judge Kavenaugh had just been confirmed by a 50-48 U.S. Senate vote only minutes before.  I decided to not ruin his day.

Turns out, my news of the newest member of the Supremes might not have been horrible news for Kinky. He has said in print that these days he is more of an independent than a democrat and may even be a republican in some instances.  Well hell’s bells.  That is news worth repeating.

Also, as I shifted in my chair to help my back some while listening to Kinky at the gazebo I noticed he was putting on some age.  As in getting old.   Dang.  He’s only four years or so older than me, I thought.  But, I don’t smoke cigars….or anything else in many years.  Maybe I’m not ageing as much as Kinky seems to have aged. All in all, he’s in good shape for the shape he is in.  Still sharp of mind, still an entertainer.  He is a genuine, original Texas version of Mark Twain or Will Rogers in my mind.

I’m guessing a younger generation of Texans simply do not know that in his day he was a semi-big deal. He ran with the hip crowd.  The in-crowd of Austin and New York liberals and the likes of Willie Nelson, writer Molly Ivins, Texas Land Commissioner Jim Hightower, Governor Ann Richards, the Texas Observer folks, and assorted liberal types from all over.  He is/was personal friends with Don Imus of radio and TV disc jockey fame and Kinky was a candidate for Governor of this Great State in 2006.  He gathered up just over 12% of the vote.  Came in 4^thin a 6 person race.  I’ve seen worse showings.  He was also dang near elected Texas Land Commissioner.  He was a contender.  But, he still turned out to be somebody.

At the book-signing tent after his short performance, a man much younger than me bought a book and as Kinky was signing it, the younger man said, “I voted for you when you ran for governor.”

“This would be a better place if I had won,” replied the Kinkster.   He supports the full legalization of marijuana and investing more in prison reform, education, health and border security.  He thought the issue of legalization is a states rights issue.  He supports higher pay for teachers, lowering the dropout rate, and more wind power.  He supports more Texas National Guard units on the border to stop illegal immigration and wanted to partner with the governors of New Mexico and Arizona to be more pro-active on the border.  He said, “we can’t wait for the federal government to solve our illegal immigration problem.”

On the issue of abortion he hedged his bets…., “I’m not pro-life.  I’m not pro-choice.  I’m pro-football.”  He also supports gay marriage stating, “They have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us.”  Kinky has never married.

His campaign slogan on why he should be elected:  “Why the hell not?”

His idea of stopping illegal immigration and drugs coming from Mexico was pure genius.  It was known as the 5 Generals plan.  He proposed to give Mexican Generals from the five Mexican states bordering Texas a few million dollars each as a gift for their personal use and enrichment. Then, he would deduct from those millions, $10,000 for every illegal who got across the Texas border.  Do you think those Mexican Generals could stop a caravan coming from wherever?

Many of my fellow newspaper folks wondered how many illegals would make it across the border with all that money at stake.  Our collective editorial opinions: Problem solved.  No wall?  No problemo!

I bought one of his books after his short performance and talked with him a bit at the tent.  He stood up next to me while one of his helpers took our photo.  The book was “Heroes of a Texas Childhood.”  It’s about some folks you may have heard of including fellow Kerrville resident Ace Reid, Willie Nelson, Mollie Ivins, Barbara Jordan, Audie Murphy, and more famous Texans.

Back in the day, people would buy just about anything Kinky wrote, just to see what the

next outrageous or witty thing would come out of his mouth or his mind.  He had a hard-bound book on the table with a $50 price tag. It’s called “The Kinky Files.”  I didn’t buy that one but I heard him say when those few copies are gone, that’s it.  He guessed you might be able to find a copy on eBay.

Kinky is a real writer too. He’s an actual novelist with several detective novels to his credit.  Most of his novels were deemed by critics to have been well written and most of the books featured a fictionalized version of himself as a crimefighter with plenty of his witticisms and doses of Jameson’s Whiskey.  He also wrote a column for Texas Monthly for a couple of years. Kinky often decried the ‘wussification’ of Texas and Texans.  I agree.

Some people still wonder what will come out of his mouth.  As I read his little book that evening, I enjoyed remembering characters such as Ace Reid.  A personalized cartoon of his hung in our kitchen when I was a kid growing up.  He drew it for my folks who were in the newspaper business.  I remembered along with Kinky many characters, especially Jake and Zeb, who appeared in Ace Reid’s calendars and newspaper cartoons.

Kinky wears an older man’s clothes now, but his spirit still glows brightly.  He still sells his songs, his books, and his ideas for Texas and beyond.  He still enjoys a Montecristo No. 2 cigar, apparently several times a day.  His humor is still funny, to me at least, and he is still one of those characters who continue to make Texas the Great State it is.

He signed my book….”To David, from one great Texan to another.”

That’s Kinky.  A Real Texan if there ever was one.

I’m David still out in Real Texas

…..Wherever I find it

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