If Todd Palin were a Texan

I kinda like Todd Palin.  Even if he is from Alaska.

He races in that sled dog race, the Idiot’s Trod, or something like that.  They race for several days across frozen ground through the snow and ice with sled dogs pulling  them along.

That would be hard to do in Amarillo in the wintertime because the wind would blow their lips inside out.  It gets seriously cold and windy in Amarillo and it has been shirt sleeve weather in West Texas and snowing like crazy in Amarillo on the same day.  When it does that, we kindly ask those folks to shut the gate, but they rarely do. (It’s a Texas thang.  If they shut the gate, the north winds won’t blow so hard from Amarillo on down to us).

But back to Todd Palin.  Now he is free to whip somebody’s ass, and if he was a good Texan, he would start with Letterman and work his way around the country.  He should get in his truck and drive up to Letterman’s big tall offices and wait outside for him to come out.  Word will get around fast that Todd is out there and a crowd will gather quick.

It wouldn’t take much for Todd to whip Letterman, but I can see it all now.  Letterman comes out and starts whining that he don’t really want to fight and Todd grabs his shirt and rips the buttons off.  That usually forces some kind of retaliation.  I have actually seen that tactic used to success.  ‘Cept it was a pearl snap shirt that got ripped.

Think Letterman has any pearl snap shirts?

Or, he could just slap Letterman like the bitch he is for badmouthing Todd’s family and his young daughter.  Letterman still probably wouldn’t do anything and Todd would just have to cuss him and call him ‘girlie man’ and such.

If Todd Palin were a Real Texan, that is what he would do and sooner rather than later.

Out of respect for his Governor wife, he really was hogtied and had to take the insults to him, his wife, his daughters, and his son.  That is a hard thing for Texas men to do, but most of them will do it, grinding their teeth the whole time.

But if Todd were a Texan, he would park his pickup outside of whatever TV station Letterman is on and sit there until he came out.  Come on ‘Dude’ get with it.

If he takes my suggestions, I am prepared to make him an honorary Real Texan.  Buy him a pearl snap shirt.  Then I’d probably buy him a Pearl.  But Letterman would think that was a ‘purty’ of some kind instead of a brand of beer.

I wouldn’t buy a beer to have two guys kiss and make up like some folks do, but Texans would be lined up around my house wanting to buy Todd Palin a beer for whipping Letterman.

Come on Todd, grab the front of that wimp’s shirt and get it on.  Won’t take ya long and you would get a lot of satisfaction out of it.

You could be an honorary Real Texan with a minimum of effort.

I’m David Werst

Waitin’ for Todd to be a Real Texan

Tagged as: David Letterman, david werst, Real Texas, Real Texas Blog, Texas Attutude, Texas Humor, Texas Lifestyle, Todd Palin, Todd Palin and letterman